i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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