k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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