just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
