don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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