and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
