Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
