New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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