I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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