I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
