Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
jump out the window naked night went bad
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
