I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
