Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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