brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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