I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
