It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
