In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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