i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
