she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
