I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
