drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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