were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
