Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
