these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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