And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
