i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
