Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
