the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
