i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
