can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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