Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
