I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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