you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
