I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
