if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
