nut hugger
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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