1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
