I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
