Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think pants incapable of making pants work
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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