Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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