I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm always down for nudity.
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