He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
