She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
