I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
