I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
