I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm like, not good at living.
A+ Viking dick
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
