I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
