My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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