wakey wakey hands off snakey
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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