Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
