What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
