I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
