Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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